At what point do we say enough is enough?

How often do we find ourselves having the same conversations, the same disagreements about the same behaviour with our children?

Being a parent is not without its challenging moments.

There are times when we hold our head in our hands and wonder how, or what was going through our children’s minds when they jumped out of the tree resulting in a broken arm.

Or the time that they told a complete stranger what times everyone is at home and what times the house is empty.

There are also times when we feel that it is ground hog day again. The conversation, or the argument is just repetitive.

I remember absolutely losing it at my husband, when one of our kids had decided that they were going to change the pick up plans for their day out.

They were 16 at the time and we had all agreed a time and a place that pick up would happen.

After my husband had come back from dropping her off, he told me about the change of plans. I completely lost it.

Mainly because I felt that they were going behind my back making alternative arrangements.

I remember feeling like my head was going to explode and I was so angry that I scared myself.

It just seemed like it was the same thing over and over again. We would agree a time that was mutually convenient and then that would change once my daughter was in the car with my husband.

I remember standing at the gate that day and thinking, this can’t go on. We have this argument all the time.

I can admit it now, but at the time I didn’t realise how ridged my thinking was. That I needed to be the one who was in control and in charge of the family.

In reality what was happening was that no one was game enough to have that conversation with me, so they would have it without me. I was kept out of the loop because they didn’t feel that I would be flexible enough to allow an extra half hour here or a different pick up point. Then my husband would put on his tin hat and come into the trenches to tell me that there was a change to the original schedule.

What I didn’t realise was that I was creating the very situation that I hated. And I thought that it was everyone else against me and I couldn’t possibly be in the wrong.

There were plenty of people who were there agreeing with me. Many of my friends would tell me that I was right and they were wrong. They validated my thoughts and helped facilitated the ‘me against the world’ mentality that I had.

It wasn’t until our fostering social worker challenged me on why it had to be done my way that I stopped to think. Why did I have to be the boss? Why was it so important that it was my way or the highway? What did this give me?

We get so ingrained in our thinking and what we believe to be the right way to handle situations that sometimes we can’t see that there may be a different way.

And while having family or friends to go and talk to is great, often they will validate our thinking and help us vindicate ourselves. OR if they do challenge us, we often don’t like to hear that, because they should be on our side

and it causes a different set of arguments.

I am forever grateful for the social workers who challenged my thinking. I am forever grateful that I was given the opportunity to understand myself better as a parent and really notice long held beliefs that I either didn’t know I had, or I struggled to let go of.

I could have stayed on the same path, believing the same stuff that I told myself about how I was right and everyone was against me, and I know that I would have had very different relationships with my kids and with my husband.

Often talking to someone who isn’t emotionally involved with our family dynamics can help us see a different way of approaching situations. Or a different way to think.

And because of that, the situations that we find ourselves in, the groundhog days that become so wearing, change and become a thing of the past.

I am offering my Parent Support Hour for half price throughout the month of October. If you would like to have a conversation about changing the narrative, then click the link here https://jo-mitchelhill-seasons-coaching.newzenler.com/courses/test